I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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