make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
