i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
