Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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