its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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