Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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