I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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