My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
