A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
