Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
