I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
