Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
