we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How external is "for external use only"?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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