lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I AM VODKA MAN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
