MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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