i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
