What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
