He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
