She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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