he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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