so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
