There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
