how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
