hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
