Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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