thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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