They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
