its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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