Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
