I wish I could teleport
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
