I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
