Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
