Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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