sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
