Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
