i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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