You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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