No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We got so high we made milksteak
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
