HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
