i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
