one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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