the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
