Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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