So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
