I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I came so hard my ears popped.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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