I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
