Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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