he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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