I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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