At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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