We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The struggles of a small town man whore
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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