OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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