She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
