well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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