Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I understand Curling. That high.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
